Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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