either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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