The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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