I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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