Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
