i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
