someone get that fucking seahorse.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
