Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
