You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
