I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
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