Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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