the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
As shirtless as possible
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
