They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Barsexuality is the new black.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
