so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
he just fucked me for my cheese..
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
