my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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