Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Couch. On fire.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
