The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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