Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
