I heard we made out
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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