Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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