somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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