brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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