We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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