I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
