How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
