Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
