My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
