I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
