Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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