Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
