Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
