He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
