I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
