I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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