So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
