Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
