and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
