You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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