just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
