this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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