and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
