a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
