Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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