I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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