No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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