Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
