Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
