I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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