I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
