So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
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