pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I just want to make out with him forever
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
